I am the stupidest man on the face of the earth.

So I met this lovely young woman in a bar a month or so ago, and it turns out she takes her clothes off for a living.  Being a naturally curious person, (yeah right), I enjoyed talking with her about her hopes, dreams, and underwear.  Turns out, she is also a stand up comic.  We talked about this, and I told her that I had tried stand-up and was exceptionally un-funny.  I think my stategery was to appear vulnerable.  I also may have asked her about her relationship with her father, I don’t remember.

Anyway, she texted me today to tell me that she’s doing a big show at the Bagdad (correct spelling) tonight, a big room to do comedy (or anything).  I called and wished her luck, and suggested she shouldn’t be nervous.  It was only later that I realized how ridiculous it was for me to tell her that.  This is a woman who TAKES HER CLOTHES OFF in front of strangers for a living!  This is a woman who walks up to horny weirdos, turns around, bends over, and winks at them BETWEEN HER KNEES.  (Certain men desperately looking for a link, at this point).

I’m guessing she won’t be nervous.

Uh, pee freaks, uh welcome, I guess…

In my initial post (below), I made a passing reference (no pun intended) to urinating in a pool.  Unfortunately, according to some rather unsavory e-mails I’ve received, that reference has attracted some folks who have a “special interest” in that, uh,  activity.  Because I am new to this blogging game, I am in no position to turn away new readers, so I guess, I’ll include a link to this story, which takes place at the unlikely-named “Pewaukee High”.  Today, they’re having Mac & Cheese for lunch, YUM!  Looks like things haven’t changed all that much since I was in high school…I see sloppy joes on the menu.  Gee, I can almost taste the hair in my mouth now.

Back in high school, I thought it was great when we were allowed to go “off campus” for lunch our senior year.  I think it was the school’s way of saying “psssst…we know, the food sucks here”.  (Some of my readers’ ears just perked up when they heard “psssst”.)  Back in 1999, a Washington D.C. principal took a different approach, selling pizzas to students, and building up a $44,000 slush fund with the money he made from it.  

And since we’re on the subject of school lunches, there’s a website called lunchlady.com, where there is an unfortunate photo of Tina Turner, who was apparently just trying to eat lunch.  I’m guessing this lunchlady place is a restaurant somewhere, exactly where, I’m not sure because it doesn’t say anyplace on this fansite.  (Apparently, they were too busy working on the web design.)  Their phone number puts them in Alameda County, west of the bay area in California.  Oh wait, I guess my snarkiness is misplaced…there’s an inspiring story behind it all.  Feh.  Oh and also, there’s an entire page of phone messages from people who “love the lunch lady” (this nation is remarkably bored), and this one is particularly sad.  Almost makes me think about quittin’ drinkin’.  Almost.

Thoughts of high school, and high school romance gave me a reason to visit the wonderful foundmagazine.com site, where I discovered this touching love note, crumpled wonderfully on notebook paper.  (Nice signature, Jonathan!)

And How(e)!

I was feeding the inner prog fan today, and found this nicely rendered video (looks and sounds great) on YouTube, featuring the Yes-related band Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe.
 
Pros:
Nice vocal performance by Jon Anderson (and recording of same)
Wakeman’s ripping piano close (and not clothes, see next)
Capelessness
Howe so badass, he needs TWO guitars
Anderson’s pantlegs NOT tucked into short white vinyl boots
 
Cons:
Cartwheeling caveman thong alert
Radio edit, por favor
Fishlessness* (a “bassless” criticism)
“Long Lost Brother of Mine” excessively peppy

I remember (sorta) being at a party in 1989, and insisting on turning up their “new” video, (back when MTV played videos).  I got some razzing from the cooler dudes in the room…I think they would have preferred Elvis Costello, and in retrospect, they probably had a point.

Speaking of ABWH, I always thought this was a really pretty song.
 
BTW, here’s an oddity…Asia, from 2006…playing ROUNDABOUT!  (John Wetton doesn’t look thrilled.)

Lastly, as Wikipedia reminded me, the snotty (but funny) group The Dead Milkmen played a long forgotten song, “Anderson, Walkman, Buttholes And How!”.  Not a compliment.

Oh yeah, and since I just linked to the Dead Milkmen song “Punk Rock Girl”, I might as well include this link. 

Mojo Nixon was in my 1982 Toyota Cressida (thanks Grandma!) once.  Oh well, another story, for another day…

*Yes uber-bassist Chris Squire, aka “the Fish”, is not in ABWH.

The Great One, Tricky Dick, some aliens…

I was inspired to read up on The Hustler (1961), after seeing it today for the first time.   Paul Newman plays young pool shark Fast Eddie Felson, and Jackie Gleason is Felson’s “white whale” Minnesota Fats.  Gleason really didn’t do a heck of a lot of acting in the movie, yet still got an Academy Award nomination for his effort.  (Did you know the real pool champion known as Minnesota Fats named himself AFTER GLEASON’S CHARACTER, not the other way around?  True story.)

Anyhoo, I was intrigued to find out Gleason had an abiding interest in UFOs, and according to Wikipedia:

He even had a house built in the shape of a UFO which he named “The Mothership“.^[3] Gleason was a good friend of U.S. President Richard Nixon and, one day, while the two were playing golf together, the subject of UFOs came up. Nixon said little at the time but, later that day; he took Gleason with him on a special visit to Homestead Air Force Base. There, Gleason allegedly witnessed dead extra-terrestrials. Gleason’s wife told the full story in an interview with Esquire magazine.

BTW, I really want to see Gigot, one of Gleason’s pet projects (and a legendary flop).  Gleason wrote the story and starred (as a deaf mute), and though he wanted his friend Orson Welles to direct, the studio rejected Welles, and instead it was helmed by dance legend Gene Kelly.

One last word on Gleason.  Modern Drunkard magazine named him “the greatest boozer of all time”.

Behold Bloggerrhea!

Being a man of keen insight, I observed a World Wide Web CHOKED with pointless, meandering blogs, and concluded this:  one more.

And so, like a lazy 7 year old boy, I will pee in this particular pool, and recommend that you let the chlorine that is your good judgment, determine whether or not you dive in.

(You’ll notice the water is slightly warmer next to me.)

Enjoy.