Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

Every 4 years, our great nation, diverse in race, religion, and aliveness, comes together to vote for the person, usually a caucasian man, who we can stand to look at occasionally, as we surf past the news on our way to Flavor Flav.   

One of the more entertaining subplots to this pointless exercise, is the nearly mandatory BOMBSHELL revelation, a la the Bush drunk driving fiasco (before the 2000 election), and the John Kerry is a department store dummy with a head carved from a tree stump scandal of 2004.  I’m guessing in the coming weeks the talking heads on the TV news channels will be jabbering mindlessly about one or more “October Surprises“, in between boner advertisements.

October surprise possibilities:

1.  Barack Obama is a Zoroastrian.

2.  John McCain once killed a man…with his smile.

3.  Cindy McCain has a vibrator she calls “Barry Goldwater“.

4.  Barack Obama once admitted that his favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla.

5.  Joe Biden makes love on a regular basis.

6.  Barack Obama hates Sanford and Son.

7.  John McCain refused to leave a North Vietnamese prison until Carly Simon admitted that “You’re So Vain” was about Warren Beatty.

8.  Sarah Palin once choked a bear to death with her thighs.

9.  Barack Obama is 1/16th Armenian, (but 100% dreamy)!

10. Joe Biden once challenged a blind man to a staring contest.

11. John McCain says he will solve the financial crisis by starting the early-bird special at 10:30 in the morning.

I’m voting for this guy.

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One Response to “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!”

  1. knucklehead Says:

    If the media wasn’t controlled by slack-jawed liberals, we would’ve heard about Osama’s , er, Obama’s addiction to the tobacco- devil, CIGARETTES. One would think that with the set of yellow choppers McCain has, HE would be the smoker in the group (stunted height, as well?) . Since we now live in a financially bankrupt nation, rife with political correctness, I think it only fair that Obama appear on the Oprah show and confess his tobacco shame.

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